Tag: marriage

Why do we Lie?

Lying destroys relationships and damages the bonds between human beings. The Journal of Intercultural Communication Research (2016) states that “we all lie, but not all lies are the same. People lie to achieve a goal: WE LIE IF [we believe] HONESTY WON’T WORK. Essentially the truth comes naturally, but lying takes effort and a sharp, flexible mind. Lying is a part of the development process, like walking and talking. Children learn to lie between the ages two and five, and

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How Are Strong Marriages Like Healthy Gardens?

This is a question that I often put to couples who attend the premarital workshops I present. I like the question because it requires what are called “higher order thinking skills” – a more effective way of engaging new information that simply receiving it in a rote learning format. The answers I receive to this question are often quite insightful. Following are a few of those insights. Successful marriages, like gardens, must be cultivated. What sunlight, soil and water are to

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Male Midlife Crisis? Is It a Myth?

Do men go through a midlife crisis? Is there research to support such a concept or is this an “urban legend?” The books “Passages” and “Seasons of a Man’s Life” were published several years ago but were based on small samples of investigation. Yet, men in their early 50s or 60s arrive in my counselling office convinced that they are having a mid life crisis. Often they have been sent by their wives or families who are convinced that their

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In Marriage It’s All About Balance

Compatibility comes up for discussion with couples, particularly when they are struggling.  Their differences in personality and attitude appear to be so great that they begin to question the viability of their relationship.  They begin to fear that they are “too different” to make it work. Research on divorce found that divorcing couples complained about the very qualities they used to love in each other.  The differences that had always been there, and that each had once admired in the

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Speak Up Ladies!!

Many women are losing their marriages and they don’t know it. Many women have interpersonal needs, which are not being met in their marital relationship. They probably have friends with whom they share the emotional side of their lives. This helps; however there are needs which can be best met by the marriage partner. When it doesn’t happen the relationship can go “flat”. All too often a woman will not speak openly about her needs. She suffers privately and eventually

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Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Marriages are often in crisis due to infidelity. Let me present a common scenario. The husband has been unfaithful to his vows and has had several affairs. The wife is extremely upset and struggles to cope with her feelings of betrayal and anger. The wife has been searching the literature for information about infidelity in hopes of better understanding what has happened to her and her marriage. She has been further upset by what she has read. All of the

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