Self-care seems like a common sense thing, something to balance out the stresses of life. However, certain kinds of anxious people have special difficulty with practicing self-care: Workaholics: These folks are always focused on the next problem, and don’t stop to appreciate how much energy they have spent on previous challenges. Driven by feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, living with an underlying sense of impending doom, they believe they have no right to rest. If the next project doesn’t get…

The word “sensitive” means many different things to many different people. For psychologist, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., “highly sensitive” has a quite specific meaning. Her research, which draws on biological, cognitive and personality findings, suggests that about 15-20% of the population qualifies as “highly sensitive.” This term refers to people whose nervous systems are easily overwhelmed, whether by harsh sounds, unpleasant lighting, having too much to do, or violent films. Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) are usually introverted and reflective; they need…

I once invited my friend, Mary-Beth to attend a show with me. She was an aspiring singer and I thought she would enjoy this particular production. Unfortunately, I was delayed a few minutes picking her up and was dismayed when she left an extremely angry and volatile message on my cell phone. I apologized for being late but thought it prudent to ignore her attack. As the evening progressed she shocked me with the loud, grandiose, and critical comments she…

Care of the self is important. Your self needs to be cultivated with care. Not to do this is to neglect, and to leave the self unprotected in this old world. Self care may not come naturally; it can be learned. For some people, the notion of being one’s own emotional self-protector and cultivator can be new and different. If you’re lonely, confused, sad, or disturbed – those are times for self care. Yet those aren’t the only times it’s…

There will always be times when unpleasant things have to be said. And if they’re not said, problems will fester. The skill of communicating your concerns without alienating the other is valuable. Being able to hear another’s concerns about your behavior, and to learn from him/her, is a useful skill too. Giving Criticism This must be done sensitively. The receiver must feel respected and listened to. First emphasize good things about them. Try the “sandwich” technique: two or three compliments…