How we communicate on a daily basis with the significant people in our lives is more predictive of a strong relationship than anything other single factor. We likely underestimate the potential our daily interactions hold for helping us create great relationships with the people we care most about. When others tell us about positive happenings in their lives, our response can either be a step in building our relationship with them, or a step in undermining it. Although we may…
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Category: Marriage & Relationships
In Marriage It’s All About Balance
Compatibility comes up for discussion with couples, particularly when they are struggling. Their differences in personality and attitude appear to be so great that they begin to question the viability of their relationship. They begin to fear that they are “too different” to make it work. Research on divorce found that divorcing couples complained about the very qualities they used to love in each other. The differences that had always been there, and that each had once admired in the…
When Sorry Isn’t Enough
Sue felt frustrated and alone. She and Jack had just had another spat, again over something which to her seemed trivial. As of late conflicts were happening more and more frequently between them, with Jack taking longer and longer to get over them. As usual, Sue apologized hoping to end the conflict quickly. She would say she was sorry for her part in the situation, then want to move on. Jack on the other hand would always want to continue…
Posted in Depression, General, Marriage & Relationships, Personal Growth Tagged with: Communtication, Discussions, disrespectful, Relationship, respectful, Sorry
Emotional Intimacy
The idea of love has captured the imagination of humanity and has intrigued the hearts and minds of men and women since the beginning of time. Years ago I came across a couple who were moving towards divorce following 32 years of marriage. Both in their 50’s, the wife appeared sad and tired of living in what she believed was a loveless marriage. David was shocked that Diana could make the claim he had never loved her. His life dream…
Posted in Marriage & Relationships
A Lasting Relationship: Not for the Faint of Heart
“Life is difficult”. This is the first sentence of Scott Peck’s book “The Road less Travelled”. He then goes on to say that life is a series of problems, and our natural tendency is to want to avoid problems rather than face them head on. This tendency to avoid both the problems and the emotional suffering they bring is the primary basis of all human mental illness. Mental health on the other hand, is “an ongoing process of dedication to…
Stop the Blame Game
The day had only just begun and already Tom and Jan were blaming each other. “Did you remember to call Mom yesterday about sitting for us on Saturday?” asked Tom with a slight edge to his voice. “No, I was too busy dealing with the kids to get to it” replied Jan abruptly. “But you said you would take care of it and it’s already Thursday. You know how Mom is about getting late notice” said Tom now showing his…
Posted in Marriage & Relationships
Flip Side of Boundaries
Sam felt frustrated. He and Claudia have been married for 12 years and had made the decision a year ago that Claudia would take a leave from her job as a registered nurse to stay at home with the children. At the time this decision seemed to make sense for them. The amount of money Claudia made taking the few available shifts at the hospital barely offset the day care expenses of their two children Justin (3) and Emily (5).…
Posted in Marriage & Relationships
The Key to Marital Success
What two attitudes are necessary to create and maintain a successful marriage? Both spouses must be open to growth and they must make their marriage the top priority. Many couples are surprised to learn that they have the opportunity to grow and mature within a marriage. It seems to me that one’s spouse takes on the power which their parents used to have. In other words each spouse now becomes the most influential person in their partner’s life. Growth in…
Posted in Marriage & Relationships
Destructive Narcissistic Parents – Part II
In the Summer of 2010 a published PsycHealth article on “Destructive Narcissistic Parents” triggered a number of calls from the adult offspring of these parents. They felt relieved in recognizing that they were not alone, nor were their parents who struggled with these traits. In therapy they were able to address the emotions they encountered during parental interactions. They learned to develop assertiveness, independence and healthy boundaries. Yet, something was missing. They described sadness, bitterness, and resentment at the wasted…
Where Were You When I Needed You Most?
Mark and Rachel are in their mid 40’s and have been married for 20 years. They have been attending couples therapy following a “drifting apart” from each other over several years. In the sessions, they are gradually sharing their feelings to try to regain a greater sense of closeness that they had previously experienced. In one session, Rachel erupts into anger, indicating that she doesn’t think that she can continue the couples therapy as she has not trusted Mark for…
Posted in Marriage & Relationships, Stress & Anxiety
