Here is a very simple, private, and portable exercise to do for your breathing. I say to do, not just to try—I only want you to do this for the rest of your life, and it’s so simple that you can start it when you are old enough to understand the idea. I call it "Breathing Exercise", or "BE" for short.
First, figure out what your breathing rate and depth is when you are at your most comfortable state. Usually it’s about 3 or 4 seconds to inhale and the same to exhale. Imagine if you graphed it on a chart; it would be a smooth line rising for about 4 seconds, then curving and dropping for 4 seconds, then curving and again rising. You’re doing it now. Feels good. You may need to adjust it for your own personal comfort, but you don’t have to make a big performance task out of this!
Next, when you inhale, say to yourself: "Breathing in, I am calming." This statement to yourself does several things at once. It focuses your attention on your breathing. It tells you that you are doing something that is within your power to control. It focuses on nurturing yourself not only by regulating your breathing, but in the direction of being calmer right now, not later. It asserts that although you may not be calm, you are calming. It interrupts the nasty, negative, anxiety-loaded, depression-soaked, or anger-driving messages that may be replaying in your mind like a recorded tape.
Now, when you exhale, say to yourself: "Breathing out, I am smiling." And when I tell clients this part, they almost always smile immediately! Maybe you are smiling now? Just put a little smile on, not a big grimace or a grin. Just a "Mona Lisa" one when you exhale. This also does several things at once. It focuses on your breathing and tells you that you are not only controlling something of yourself, but that you are changing a behavior right now. That behavior, smiling, interrupts the facial behaviors (expressions) that usually go along with the nasty thoughts and the uncomfortable moods—such facial expressions as a "flat" look, "intense, gritting", "tight, tense" look, and "sad, down" look. Different facial muscles around the mouth and eyes are used in smiling and are incompatible with those "looks" mentioned here. How often have you heard someone or yourself say "stop giving that look!" And then you get or give more of "that look"—especially the angry one! Smiling is a signal back to your own system of thinking, feeling, and physical being that you will be OK and that high levels of emotions are not really needed for self-defense—unless you are in a truly dangerous situation. (No one should act mindlessly, and this mindful breathing exercise is only to help you regulate or manage your excessive emotions and behaviors, not to eliminate the necessary capacity for experiencing fear, sadness, or anger.)
Practice this at first when you are in calmer situations so that it becomes associated with real calmness. Do not practice at first when your attention is needed for serious and risky tasks, such as driving a vehicle, etc. If you just try to use it the next time you are over-thinking or emotionally upset, it won’t be very helpful and you’ll say, "Well, that didn’t work!" And you’ll discard it. As deceptively simple as it appears you may think it doesn’t take practice—it does, but very little time commitment. My favorite places to practice include when I’m in a warm shower, or sitting calmly, or walking gently, or petting a pet. Practice 5 or 6 cycles (one cycle is "in" plus "out") at a time, then leave it. That’s about 48 seconds or less than a minute of practice. Can you spare it? Then, because it’s so easy and because habits are learned better when repeated and distributed over time (instead of cramming), repeat it several times a day. Over time, it will become quite automatic.
If "BE" can be used to help victims of trauma, it can be used by almost anyone to help reduce general tension. A bonus is that gentle smiling can be just as contagious as those other "looks." People around you may notice your change, and they may change their own expression. Of course, you can always teach them "BE." Pass it on. They deserve a breath today, too.
