Myth of the Ruined Life
Sometimes events from the past prevent people from being happy. They believe that their lives are ruined and can’t be fixed. Often they feel lonely, unappreciated, anxious and hurt-expecting only sorrow, misery and bad luck. They live with the expectation of failure, accidents, put-downs and rejection.
When she was ten years old, Jill’s life was ripped apart when her parents separated. She was moved from her big house in a familiar community with many friends to a low-rent housing project in a new town and an unfamiliar neighborhood. Her father and friends were left behind.
At that time, it seemed as if her life was ruined and she concluded that it could never be good again. She was angry and her anger eventually became a block to becoming happy and successful.
At some level, her lack of happiness and success are a way to get even with her parents for not figuring out how to get along. She believes, “Somebody has to pay for ruining my life. You can’t treat kids like that and expect them to turn out okay.”
If she stops being angry with her parents, she lets them off the hook and they won’t understand how much she has suffered because of them. At twenty-something, she is still living the ‘Myth of the Ruined Life.’ It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. She is a successful young professional, but claims that she is stressed with overwork and bored by the lack of challenge in her job. She is socially isolated and although she would like to make friends, she lacks the self-confidence to do so. She would like to have a life partner but something always goes wrong with her relationships; none endure.
She believes her parents don’t understand her and are not emotionally supportive. Although she wanted to change, she remained psychologically paralyzed, believing that nothing would work no matter what she tried to do.
Currently, she is working hard in counselling. She has written many letters that she didn’t send but in which she poured out her pain, frustration, anger and fears. These letters were ‘addressed’ to her parents and ten-year old Jill. Now she is beginning to realize that when she lives the ‘Myth of the Ruined Life’ she is allowing the ten-year old Jill to run her life. She is learning stress-reducing techniques. Her depression is lifting and her outlook is more hopeful. She is learning how to build on her strengths and appreciate her accomplishments. She has joined an athletic activities club and is making new friends. She is listening to inspirational tapes and reading motivational books. She is reaching out to others and has joined a self-help group.
Jill is becoming more connected to her emotions and therefore beginning to connect with others in a meaningful way. In short, she is learning to live the ‘good life’ rather than the ‘Myth of the Ruined Life’.
