How many people believe that competition brings out the worst in us? Most people believe that competition brings out the best in us. Competition is the North American way. We encourage our children to compete in soccer games, in track meets and in classrooms. We pay millions of dollars to watch athletes compete in football, hockey and basketball.
It is a North American myth that stimulating competition between children or co- workers will encourage them to try harder and achieve more. In fact, the opposite usually happens. Competition emphasizes the hopelessness of the situation to the one lagging behind and creates apprehension in the successful one that he may not be able to stay ahead.
A famous psychologist, Alfred Adler, said that we could have either competition or cooperation but not both. We pay a high price when we choose competition over cooperation. I am astounded that the Olympic skater or runner who wins a silver medal can feel like a failure. When we begin competing, our state of mind, our feelings and our judgments about ourselves depend on where we stand in the race.
Barbara wants to be a successful florist. She can give it her best and be happy with her job or she can compare herself to other florists and begin to be unhappy. Who has the most customers, who makes the most money, who is the most successful? If she is ahead today, she will worry about being behind tomorrow. If she is behind, she will feel discouraged, dissatisfied, fearful and doubt herself and her abilities. Competition puts her constantly on edge, teetering between triumph and failure.
A cooperative attitude could bring contentment. If Barbara decides to cooperate instead of compete, she can enjoy her talent and feel good about her work all the time. She won’t know if she is ahead or behind and she won’t make it her business to find out. She will be happy doing the best she can and others can do as they please.
When we compete, we always have something to lose. Why do we want to add that stress and concern to our lives? Not everyone can be ahead but everyone can do their best. People who learn to cooperate are happier and more satisfied with themselves and their life than people who constantly race to keep ahead.
When we substitute our concern with failure or success for the knowledge that we did our best, we substitute fear for contentment, dissatisfaction for satisfaction. When we look for what we can contribute to a situation rather than for approval, we feel worthwhile and our self-confidence increases. Constant approval is an unobtainable goal. Constant cooperation, doing our best and working hard is an obtainable goal.
