Have You Hugged Your Kids Today?
by Lorraine C
“Have you hugged your kid today?” We have all seen bumper stickers with this slogan but in this world where touch has often become associated with sexuality, we are sometimes hesitant to initiate touch or even discuss it. However, the power of touching those we hold dear should not be underestimated.
In his book, Touching: The Human Significance of Skin, Dr. Ashley Montagu examines the importance of touch on all aspects of human development. Through an analysis of the study of mammal, monkey, ape and human behaviors, he concludes that just as breathing is a basic physical need for these species, touch is a basic behavioral need and when this need remains unsatisfied, abnormal behavior is a likely outcome.
Research has shown that though the need for tactile stimulation exists throughout life, the importance of tactile learning in the child’s first two years is critical. For infants, appropriate human body contact is vital for survival. When deprived of it, they may become ill and possibly die, even if all their other needs are adequately met. For it is only through tactile behaviors that dependent infants grow and develop neurologically and socially. Indeed, babies can only become tender, loving, caring human beings if they are tenderly loved and cared for through their earliest years. As Montagu states, by being stroked, caressed, carried, cuddled, comforted and cooed to, by being loved, the child learns to stroke, caress, cuddle, comfort and coo, and to love others. For infants to thrive, they must receive the messages of security, comfort and pleasure through human skin contact. Unless infants experience assurance and comfort through touch, the satisfaction they receive from feeding, even when hungry, is compromised. Attachment researchers have found that one cannot spoil or hold an infant too much.
The need for tactile contact begins to decline after the preverbal years but remains nonetheless. What better way to meet this need than with a hug? As someone once said, “A hug holds a universe of silent meaning.” A hug is able to express what words sometimes cannot express about how much we care. Reaching out and holding someone communicates a message of caring. Both the hugger and the person being hugged benefit because they have the immediate positive outcome of feeling good. Hugs are heartwarming and can have the effect of leaving one energized and rejuvenated. A caregiver’s hug accurately expresses to a child feelings of love, acceptance, comfort and a desire for closeness. Hugging is health-enhancing because it reduces tension and stress, aids the immune system, helps with sleep, assists in building self-esteem and best of all has no negative side effects. When we open our hearts and arms to others, we inspire them to do likewise. As one 5 year old put it, “Hugs are better than candy.” Oh, The Power of a Hug!
The sense of touch is important and represents security to a child. When your child acts up or your teen is resistant, sullen, moody and non-communicative, appropriate physical contact can almost always be used effectively to convey you truly care. As children get older, however, they may become uncomfortable with a parental hug in front of their peers. Thankfully, appropriate and effective touch can come in many forms. A simple hand on the shoulder, a pat on the head, a fun wrestle with dad, a slight back rub, even playing contact sports and arm-wrestling with your child/teen are all very socially acceptable in the eyes of their friends and communicate “You are valued and worthy of my time and interest.”
The paranoia we have of our children falling victim to potential adult child abusers, though justified in some circumstances, has resulted in many of our children receiving limited human touch. However, the fact remains, human touch is a source of comfort to all of us and is a critical element of social behavior. If we must teach our children to avoid the touch of others, then the least we can do is ensure we provide them with ample contact of our own.
