The prospect of bringing children to counselling can raise anxieties for both parents and children. Some excellent questions that are frequently asked by parents faced with their first counselling experience are:
What happens in the counselling session with children?
What should parents tell their children about coming to counselling?
What role can parents play in therapy?
I will attempt to briefly answer these questions.
What happens in the counselling session with children?
Counselling with children is done using a number of techniques including play therapy, artwork, stories and talking. The choice depends on the developmental level and interests of the child and the preferences of the counsellor. Young children often have difficulty expressing their concerns because they haven’t yet developed the thinking skills or appropriate vocabulary to do this. In such cases, play provides an excellent approach to counselling by utilizing toys, art material, etc. to enable children to show their thoughts and feelings to the counsellor through themes of play. The counsellor in turn can use the play as a means of communicating to children that the counsellor has an understanding of what is happening in their lives and to introduce alternative behaviors and attitudes for them to explore. Older children, while sometimes choosing play, often prefer to express themselves through art, talking or therapeutic board games.
What should parents tell their children about coming to counselling?
I think it is advisable for adults to give their children a simple explanation of their perception of the presenting problem in a gentle, non-blaming manner and to suggest that after going to counselling for awhile, children often feel better about themselves and other people. The counsellor can be described as a person whose job it is to help children with their difficult feelings and that there are toys, stories and art supplies available for children to use when they go.
I have, on occasion, had children come into the playroom who were terrified of “getting needles” because they were under the impression that coming to counselling was like going to a doctor’s office. Sometimes children have worried about this for some time before asking me about it. This mistaken impression can cause a great deal of unnecessary fear and anxiety and should be avoided.
What role can parents play in therapy?
Generally, I find it useful to interview parents before starting to work with children because it gives me a good perspective on the world of the child and usually provides me with a direction to pursue.
Adults should be aware that in order to have a trusting relationship with children, counsellors do not disclose specific details of what is said and done in sessions unless the child gives permission to the counsellor to do so. However, the counsellor does consult with parents about generalities of session work, about different ways to understand children and about alternative strategies. It is helpful for parents to encourage children to share with the counsellor whatever the children think is important for the counsellor to know and to support the confidentiality of the sessions with their children. In keeping with this, after the session, while it is appropriate for parents to show an interest in their children’s counselling experience, they should not question their children about what was said and done in the playroom.
In most cases, children are anxious about their first counselling session because they don’t know the counsellor and what to expect. Children are comforted somewhat if a familiar adult accompanies them to this session and stays with them in the room until they are more relaxed and ready to stay on their own.
A book that may be of assistance to parents and children to learn more about play therapy and what to expect in session is: A Child’s First Book About Play Therapy by Marc A. Nemiroff and Jane Annunziata - Published by the American Psychological Association.
